Service Without Expectation
Last week you were welcomed into sharing a moment of motherhood. How a mama had survived adversity which deepened the bond with her king. Being able to acknowledge how life may not always be easy but it sure is worth it. To live an authentic journey. We talked about strength through struggle. The ability to push through obstacle to cultivate personal power.
This week we talk about personal will. The ability to not allow someone’s “no” to slow your journey. That because someone says, “no” this does not devalue who you are or what you are doing. To show up to all that you do with fierce determination because you believe in you. To understand that there’s so much more to the small that you are doing. That your small will actually add to your big. As you believe without expectation you begin to welcome abundance because you know what is meant to be will fall into place.
If you have been following our instagram: kambale.fam then you know that we are planning our youngest’s birthday through a bohemian garden party. Along side, we have our eldest in activities: hip hop recital and soccer often falling on the same days, etc. etc. etc. #busymomlife
This brings up the topic of expectation. More specifically not having expectations within marriage as we work together in making sure our goals as individuals, a couple, and parents are accomplished.
Expectations can be viewed as a reflection of who we are as individuals. If we expect something from someone else it is often because we expect it from ourselves. Whether we have been raised within this expectation or because we have adapted into within our later lives. It is a reflection of who we are. Reflecting back to my old self I had often held several expectations within our marriage, such as immediate forgiveness. For example, if one of us said or did something that was offensive to the other’s well being I expected that it would be fixed immediately. The one who made the offense would simply saying sorry and life would move on. Not so much my friends... not so much.
As a more specific example, with a lack of self care and sleep (who ever knew sleep would influence one’s relationship) I criticize my husband for leaving the dirty dish rag on the counter without rinsing it and hanging it to dry. Upon observation of the dirty rag, judgmental words would often follow: “how could you...” or “I can believe...” or “why do you always...”. The next sentence would be followed by asking about our date night scheduled for Friday that we planned a month ago. He would not respond. I would then look up and witness his sad ‘puppy’ face. Instantly I would then realize what I have done. I have judged him without remorse.
Rather than judgmental words it would be appropriate to communicate him to hang up a clean rag for the reasons I thought to be important. It is possible to voice one’s thoughts without expectation. To understand that the other is doing the best that they know how (in his case: between work, taking the girls to their activities, and keeping up with me ; ) !) To accept that people are raised differently and because of this we all come with our own strengths and weaknesses. Yes, there is room to grow and change though that needs to come first from us.
You may be dealing with a strained relationship with a parent, partner, or sibling. I challenge you to look within and remain humble by listing one or two aspects of your relationship that you can improve on. This might be as simple as listening more or even supporting that person by being more available for their needs when they ask for your support.
What characteristics do you think about when you think of yourself? What expectations do you usually have of yourself and others and why? Where do these expectations come from?
Remember: Although your boundaries matter, we’re placed on this earth to serve.